K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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