Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
