Four minutes until I can fart!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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