Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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