would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
