"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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