the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize