Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
