You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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