Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
