I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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