Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
