I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
