dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
