did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
