Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
