hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
