another moral hangover. fuck.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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