I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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