i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
