I just cut my nipple shaving
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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