I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize