you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
