well you can't waste a boner
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
