sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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