Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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