My pussy is not your playground.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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