at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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