Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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