She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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