I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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