Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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