he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
