I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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