So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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