I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
