I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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