Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
