Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
