I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
