he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
