I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
