I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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