So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
40s are totally the cure
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
