whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
