Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
