Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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