pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
