Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
