I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize