You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
