capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
