the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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