I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
