i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
