I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
