I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
