Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
