she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
