we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
