what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
