I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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