Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
