so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
