At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize