My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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