and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
