With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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