You can't special order awesome
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
