ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
