The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
