Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need to align my fucking chakras
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize