I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
