Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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