Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
