You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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