It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
