Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize