So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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