I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
