my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
