Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
