If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize