omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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