I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
