Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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