apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
