I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
