Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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