If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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