Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
