I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
