I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
