I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
