Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
