Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
